Client Stories

Mary Roberts

When you're homeless, the thing that's constantly on your mind is the cold. Walking the streets, trying to find shelter from the rain is a constant burden.

Finding a place to sleep at night is a constant goal. But the cold - it gets into your skin, your bones, and your mind. It's not only cold to be outside in the winter; it's a cold feeling to be homeless in a city with over half a million people - yet feel all alone.

Walking the streets with nowhere to go is one of the loneliest feelings of all. Perhaps the only thing worse is when you're not alone. Perhaps the only thing worse is when you're a mother and the one person in the world who depends on you is also cold. Cold and hungry. I know what that feels like, because it happened to me.

When I was 19, I spent two days living on the streets of downtown Seattle. It was a rainy November, and I had my three-month old son with me. We had nothing. We were both cold and hungry. I remember my son crying as I walked around for hours, and it was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.

I remember getting to a point of sheer exhaustion and desperation, and I remember thinking to myself, "I can't put my child through this." I could handle it myself, but it's different when you have a baby and it's cold and you have no place to go. So I called 911 from a phone booth and said, "Look, I have a baby and I'm sitting out here in the cold and my baby doesn't have anything to eat. Is there any way you could send someone to take my son to a shelter?"

It was the hardest phone call I have ever made. I love my son, and I wanted to protect him and provide the best for him, but I just could not. I remember sitting and waiting after making that call. I prepared myself to give up my baby boy when the police car came. I hugged him. I kissed him. And I cried. But any mother out there knows you're willing to do almost anything for your child. To make sure my son was cared for, I was willing to give him up.

When the police woman got out of the car, I started to hand my son to her, and at that moment she told me, "We found a shelter for both of you." I was so happy, and relieved. As the police car took me to a transitional housing shelter, everything was a blur. My mind was numb with the experience of the past two days. I held my baby close, and I was thankful.

The experience of being homeless on the street was so overwhelming. It really was a wake up call for me, because when you're in that situation, the reality of where you are is unmistakable. I started to think about the choices I had made to get me to that point. You can't blame anyone else. No one else is there. But in reflecting on my life, there have always been tough spots along the way.

I grew in Woodinville, and I have some good memories of my childhood-those with my two sisters and my brother. But for the most part, I grew up in a pretty hard environment. I witnessed domestic violence between my parents, and had to try to survive and keep a positive attitude. As I grew older I experienced and witnessed abuse in my house.

Right after I had my son, my mother lost her battle with breast cancer. After my Mom passed away, her landlord told me I couldn't stay at her house. At the time, I was a young mother, and was living on a state check, and when you're living on a state check and you have to move, it's hard because apartments require a security deposit and first month's rent - I just didn't have that. I tried to live in motels till I found a stable apartment, but the money quickly ran out. That's how I ended up homeless.

After help from numerous transitional housing shelters, I finally got a place of my own with help from welfare. For years, when my son was little, I tried to get jobs. I wanted to work, but I didn't have any help with child care. I would get out the newspaper and look for jobs, but when I did get interviews, I had to go to them with my baby, and I got a lot of, "What are you doing with your baby here?"

I came to Hopelink for help. Through Hopelink's Community Jobs program, I received job training and help finding a job. Working with my family development specialist was the first time in my life that I felt like someone cared, and would take the time to really listen to me. Before coming to Hopelink, I was losing hope. And when you're losing hope, your child sees that, and they lose hope to. Getting that job meant a lot to me.

I was also able to use the Bellevue food bank. That has been a big help. The Hopelink food bank volunteers and employees are so friendly and kind.

Hopelink has changed my life. It has allowed me trust people again. Knowing there are people out there who care really makes a difference to me. Hopelink has taught me to be more caring in own my life. I have a desire now to one day when I am in a financial position where I can help, I want to donate to Hopelink and help other people who need help. It's not just a charity. They're changing people's lives. They changed mine. I don't know where I would have been at this point if I had not walked through the doors of Hopelink. I don't know where my son would have been. But because we had this experience with Hopelink, it gave us hope. And sometimes HOPE is more important than anything you could ever give somebody. I found HOPE at Hopelink.